Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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