i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
