so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
