I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just pee around me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize