sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
