I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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