Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
