from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
