Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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