Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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