Whod you bang
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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