i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
