I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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