We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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