Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm too high and old for this...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
