I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize