Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
