just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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