He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
