Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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