nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
