My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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