Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
