This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hippo gnu deer
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
