What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
