I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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