come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
