I love black thongs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
