I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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