Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
