Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
