Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
