my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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