he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
