i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am naked and annoyed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
