She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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