I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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