woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
