the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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