Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
