i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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