if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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