I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
where am i from again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
