She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
