WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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