i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
