I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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