Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
