I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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