I met the friendliest cop last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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