if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
