she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
