The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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