is your mom at the bar?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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