Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
