so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
