the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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