Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
