Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
