I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
