(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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