I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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