i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
