i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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