True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
