Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
