Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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