Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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