Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just google imaged poop.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
