I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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