They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
