YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
